WHAT IS CODEPENDENCY?

Codependency is a behavioural condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.

The concept of codependency comes from the field of addiction research, specifically referring to the partners and family members of people with substance abuse problems. These individuals were often excessively preoccupied with the problems of their addicted loved one, to the point of neglecting their own needs and wellbeing.

However, the concept has been broadened over the years to include any relationship that features a dysfunctional pattern of caretaking and neediness.

Signs of codependency can include:

1. Low self-esteem and a need for validation from others
2. People-pleasing behaviours and fear of rejection or abandonment
3. Taking responsibility for others’ actions or emotions
4. Neglecting one’s own needs in favour of caring for others
5. Difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries
6. Having a hard time expressing one’s own needs and feelings
7. Dependency on others for a sense of purpose or identity

It’s worth noting that codependency isn’t a formally recognized disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), which is the main resource for diagnosing mental health conditions in the United States. Nevertheless, it’s a concept that many people find useful in understanding certain problematic relationship dynamics.

If you suspect that you might be in a codependent relationship, it might be helpful to seek support from a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and potentially recommend strategies for developing healthier relationships.

ARE YOU CODEPENDENT?

Recognizing codependency can be challenging, as it often involves behaviours and feelings that can seem normal or even admirable, such as loyalty, self-sacrifice, and the desire to help. However, when these behaviours become excessive or one-sided, they can lead to a problematic pattern of codependency.

Here are some signs that you might be in a codependent relationship:

• Excessive caregiving: You consistently put others’ needs before your own to the point of self-sacrifice, often without reciprocity.
• Need for control: Especially over others, often under the guise of helping or taking care of them because you believe they cannot take care of themselves.
  Low self-esteem: You derive your sense of self-worth from others, leading to constantly seeking validation or approval from them.
• Dependency: You have a strong fear of abandonment, and you feel unable to function independently in your daily life without the presence or approval of a particular person.
• Denial: You might be in denial about the severity of the dysfunction in your relationship. This denial might extend to the problems and needs of the person you’re codependent with, especially if they have an addiction or mental health issue.
• Difficulties with boundaries: You have trouble distinguishing where your needs and feelings start and the other person’s end. This can lead to taking on the other person’s problems or feelings.
• Reactivity: You have a heightened sense of reactivity towards other people’s thoughts and feelings. You might absorb their feelings as your own.
• Poor communication: You might have trouble identifying your feelings, needs, or wants, and have difficulty expressing them.
• Fear of rejection and abandonment: You might tolerate excessive mistreatment or abuse in relationships out of a fear of being alone or rejected.
• Obsessions: You often worry about others, to the point of obsession. Your mood might be dictated by how the other person is feeling.
• Dependency on relationships: Even if they’re harmful, you might feel trapped in certain relationships due to your fear of being alone.

If you identify with these signs, it may be worth seeking the help of a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counsellor. They can provide a more accurate diagnosis and offer strategies to help you establish healthier relationships.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF CODEPENDENT?

If you’ve recognized that you might be codependent, this can be a significant step towards making positive changes. It’s important to remember that seeking professional help is often key to navigating these changes effectively.

Here are some steps you can take to address codependency:

1. Seek professional help: A mental health professional, such as a counselor or psychotherapist, can provide guidance and support as you work through these issues. Therapy can help you understand the roots of your codependency, develop new coping strategies, and establish healthier relationship patterns.

2. Join a support group: Groups such as Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) offer a supportive environment where you can share your experiences with others who are going through the same thing. This can help you feel less isolated and provide practical advice on handling codependency.

3. Establish boundaries: Learning to set and respect boundaries is an essential part of overcoming codependency. This can involve saying no when you need to, taking time for yourself, and allowing others to take responsibility for their actions.

4. Focus on self-care: Codependency often involves neglecting your own needs. Make sure to take time each day to do things that you enjoy and that contribute to your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

5. Work on self-esteem: Low self-esteem often underlies codependency. You might find it helpful to list your strengths and accomplishments, and to challenge negative self-talk. Therapy can also help with this.

6. Learn to communicate effectively: Expressing your needs and feelings in a direct, honest way is key to establishing healthier relationships. If you’re unsure how to do this, a therapist or counselor can provide guidance.

7. Practice mindfulness and self-compassion: Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your feelings and reactions, making it easier to change unhealthy patterns. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend.

8. Learn about codependency: Read books, attend workshops, or take online courses to learn more about codependency and how to overcome it. Understanding the nature of this behavior can make it easier to change.

Finally, it’s important to be patient with yourself. Overcoming codependency often involves unlearning deeply ingrained habits and beliefs, which takes time. But with persistence and the right support, you can learn to establish healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Sincerely,

iStruggle & WE ARE NOT ALONE 💯